Today is (again) the first day of the rest of my life. And this is good and bad, as always.
It's good because starting on anything is exciting and holds such possibilities. It's bad because starting on anything is exciting and holds such possibility for doubt and insecurity to move in.
List of blessings:
loving husband of 20+ years
2 beautiful redheaded daughters (healthy, smart, full of ambition and dreams)
good job that I love
enjoyable hobbies and pasttimes
good friends to talk to and spend time with
a marvelous and supportive extended family (brother, sisters, mom & dad, etc)
steady income
home
cars that run whenever (this is a major blessing - trust me)
health
prosperity
dreams
List of ... well, negativity
me
I
myself
Whoops! Did I repeat myself? No, really the only things I consider negative in my life all revolve around me (and, no, I do not believe the world revolves around me). My attitude. My appearance. My perspective on things. My self-doubt. My...
But! Today is that first day. Rest of my life starts now.
Chris (darling husband) and I started a weight loss program recently. Again. Or maybe as usual. Hmmmmm.
My weight has been a constant pull downward on me and my self for as long as I can remember. Chubby girl. Pleasantly plump. Pretty, but...
It keeps me as an enemy to me. I doubt so many things due to my lack of confidence in myself. And I blame that lack of confidence on my weight and inconsistency in doing anything about it. So I do blame my weight on me. And I blame my ever slowly increasing weight on me too.
But I am not currently at my heaviest. I am currently 40 odd pounds lower than my heaviest. I did that (with Chris's help) through Weight Watchers. And I had even lost more than that - I'd gotten 70 pounds off! Now I've gained. Experience, yes. Age, yes. Wisdom, probably not. Confidence, nope - when I stopped losing weight, my confidence took a plunge. I place WAY too much importance on my weight and whether it is creeping up or down. For THAT, I blame society (and myself - I consider myself a realist).
But, today we started the HCG diet. I am a skeptic. Dr. Andy says that skeptics make the best patients for this diet because we will do everything perfectly just to try and prove the system wrong. And end up losing. Losing weight & losing that skepticism.
Well, maybe I will and maybe I won't. I have to admit that I made it through today on 500 calories (food tracker further down) and wasn't hungry. Of course, today is day 1.
Told you I was skeptical... And annoyed...
And Anne Knoyd... We'll see.
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Off to a good start. I am blessed to have you in my life. L told me tonight after hearing a radio add: "Mom, you don't need a spa or beauty products because you're beautiful just the way you are. Dad's a really lucky guy!"
ReplyDeleteI feel that way about you, ya know. Always have. There is no "but" to your beauty.