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Saturday, April 30, 2011

Wish me luck

Tonight we are going to the Sanger Education Foundation Annual Gala.  We've never been before.  April is notoriously and historically a tight month for us, so we've never been able to afford tickets.  Since Chris now has sort of an "in" at admin, when one of the businesses that had bought an entire table gave back a couple of tickets since a couple of their people couldn't go, Valerie (lady in charge) gave them to Chris.  Otherwise, we'd have had to cough up $40 a ticket (and that's at cost...).  Thank you, CoServe!
I'm nervous about it.  They'll serve food.  I am afraid I won't know anyone and that Chris will be a social butterfly and leave me.  I guess I'll find out.

I am now under 200 for sure.  The "for sure" part occured to me last night when  I had to go buy a new scale.  Our old one died!  Now of all times!!!  But I tried some out (yes, weighed myself right there in the middle of the store) to see which look/effect I liked the most.  I was pleased with them all, because even with jeans on and it being late in the day - I was still  weighing 198-something.  The something changed by scale, but still!!!

This morning 195.2.  Lowest in about 3 years.
Won't post my food log until after the Gala.  Wish me luck!

Friday, April 22, 2011

Just not a nice person

I've actually prided myself on being a nice person.  One of the nicest people you could ever get to know. Sure, I have my dark side - morbid, whiny,pessimistic - but I try not to let it bring me down too much.  Not everyone can be happy and helpful all the time.  We need downtime.
Today is one of those days. I don't think I let on to my students or my student teacher, but they irritated the bejeebers out of me all day long.  And trust me, seeing bejeebers trickle out of a person is not a pretty sight.

One very positive note:  Today I weighed in at 198.2 lbs.  I've finally stuck my big toe across into the water to test the temperature.  I'm hoping that I can fit a few more toes in tomorrow.  It doesn't look like it at the moment becasue I've had LOTS of water and that's weighing me down.  We'll see in the morning.
Also positive, today is Cooper's birthday.  I do believe he is 7!

food log:
lunch: chicken and a  pickle = 132 calories
dinner: chicken and salad = 156 calories
snack: orange = 62 calories
total for day: 349 calories

Surely that's worth a loss!  The kids are selling those scrumptious candy bars that I adore... and I haven't even been tempted by the candy pushers!  That alone should be worth some kind of loss.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Anger Management

Yesterday, I was livid.  I've had enough.  I am tired of having a student teacher and need ideas on what to do to get her away from me and my kids for the time she has left with us.  She has my classroom through Wed. of this next week and then I take back over.  My kids are about to explode & I don't want to deal with the explosion.  I've told her and told her and modeled and done everything I know how to do, and she still does not have control of my classes.  They seem to be getting worse.  AND now she's started inflicting group punishments.  Punishing the whole class is not something I believe in.  Yelling at the whole class?  Sure!  But not assigning writing sentences or a detention to the whole class.  That's ridiculous!  Just thinking about it right now is making me angry.  While I've been dieting I actually haven't cared about drinking or eating sweets or whatever, but last night?  I wanted a glass of wine real bad!  I mean bad!  And sweets!  I wanted sweets! We ran into town (got a couple of cute sweaters - cardigans - that'll help dress up my wardrobe a bit) and went to the store.  We got our adult "capri suns" (daily's premixed margaritas & hard lemonade - make with wine not beer) and opened one up.  I had about 3 sips and had to put it away - too sweet!  I'll finish it tonight - or at least work on it some more.  AND Kayla had a friend over and they wanted to bake cookies so they got a tub of Nestle's cookie dough.  I had two spoons of it (about the equivalent of one cookie).  Way too sweet also, thought I'd go into a sugar coma. But it satisfied me and I was done.  Today I want crunchy.  I'm not hungry - I just want crunchy...  That's stress talking.  I even took one of my clonapan yesterday!  (a type of Xanax) It was my last, so I'm hoping Dr. Simms will refill it.  If he won't, I'll see if Andy will when we see him this week about the diet. 
UGH!  I hate myself this way.  I've tried every way I can think of to help this girl, and she's just digging in deeper.  And my kids are just becoming more and more obstinate and frustrated.

Okay, I just took a break for a while to deal with household matters. I've decided that it is me with the problems right now.  My family is irritating me over just about everything.  I got to pick out part of my birthday presents last night. Of course, I didn't realize I was doing it at the time.  I got a couple of new sweaters and 2 new shirts for $60.  They'll be part of my gifts, if it's okay with me.  Like I can say it's not okay?  But, Chris got a new shirt and a new tie-pin for $40 and that's for his job.  Fine.  Chris won't put down his phone - when he doesn't have his phone in hand, it's his ipad or he's working on something for his new office.  He's looking at paint ideas and wanted me to  look with him for ideas, but then told me he'd have to get Kathy and Lisa to look at it for a woman's point-of-view.  I checked and I still have all the necessary equipment to be a woman, but I guess I'm missing something (Kathy and Lisa both work in this building where his new office is located).  Then Kelsey and Kayla have both made random comments about things - completely different ones - and I'm feeling put-upon.  Victimized and resentful.  I think I may just take myself to bed and hope today starts over.  No, never mind, I don't want a re-do, I want a go-away.  I'm ready for today to end and tomorrow to begin.

Maybe I should go get my daily's out of the freezer and start on it now.

food log yesterday (4-15-11):
steak and cucumber for lunch: 156 cal
salad for supper:  15 cal
daily's, cookie dough for "other": 142 cal
orange for snack:  87 cal
total for day:  396 cal

food log for today (4-16... so far)
pancakes - plain, made with water:  171 cal
tilapia and salad for lunch:  81 cal
total so far: 252 cal
I'm sure I'll add the rest later.

On a positive note:  I weighed in at 201.1 today.  I am pleased with that.  I have now lost over 10 % of my starting body weight.  If I were in WW, they'd give me a keychain.  Oh, wait, I already have one of those.  I think I'll go and get it and hand it to myself again.

LilySlim Weight loss tickers

Am expecting a major gain tomorrow.  I had a daily's lemonade.  I had a nibble or two of  the girls' pasta (nor much, but still), a nibble or two of some leftover souper rice, and a butt-load of steak.  I didn't even measure, but I can tell I'm full (way full).  I'm just in a pissy mood.  Am off to bed because I am ready for tomorrow to start.  I did weed the front flower beds and replanted a couple of plants.  So I got some exercise - the puppy (Daisee) had a great time chasing and jumping on the dead leaves I tossed out of the bed.  Then Doodle spotted her and barked a deep bark and scared the poo out of her.  I thought it was funny.  I think he thought she was a cat.  Ha!

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Skinny people wouldn't understand

And they say they do.  But they don't.  They can't.
They may have to worry about 5 or even 15 pounds.  Heck, they may have to lose 30 to fit into their favorite jeans perfectly, but how could they possibly understand having to lose 1/2 of their body weight?  Having to look at the scale (and one's body) and think, "There are two people standing here.  One of them is completely unwanted, and yet, I can't push to get rid of it.  Is this person getting in the way of my job/career?  Is this person hindering my personal relationships?  I know my husband/lover/etc loves me, but is this person preventing us from being more intimate?"  These are horrible things to cross through one's mind.  And I think even the most self-confident person who is significantly overweight will have these things run through their consciousness at some time or another.

Lord knows I'm not the most self-confident.

Total, I've lost the equivalent of a child.  About 60 odd pounds - roughly a girl in the 50th percentile at age 8 or 9.  Just since starting the HCG, I've lost about 22 pounds - 50th percentile girl at age 15 months.  I'm hoping to have lost almost a 5 year old by the time I'm finished with this round of HCG.  It kind of helps to put it in perspective, y'know?  I've lost 10 bags of sugar this time around, or 7 cans of Crisco.  I found this forum and it's got several great comparisons. 
I've got to try and get rid of a third grader with a full backpack...  Kind of ANTI-Pied Piper...

Today, one of the things a skinny person could never get happened to me.  A good thing.
I wore a pair of pants that I have to be cautious with:  the waistband rolled everytime I wore them.  I had to be careful to wear longer shirts to cover the waistband roll & to adjust my pants everytime I stood up or sat down.  I was embarrassed at myself everytime I went to the bathroom and saw how many creases they were leaving in my belly & that the band had rolled again.  Today, I was teaching... teaching... teaching and finally got to run to the bathroom (anyone who gets to potty anytime they feel like it has NO idea what a luxury that is) where I noticed that my waistband had stayed in place.  No rolling.  So I checked it periodically throughout my day.  It never even rolled once.  I nearly cried.

A skinny person wouldn't get that, would they?

food log:
chicken & cucumber for lunch: 146 calories, orange: 62, dinner: chicken and a pickle: 140 calories, 1 cup frozen strawberries: 52 caloris.  Total for day: 400 calories. 
And today I weighed in at 202.6.  I'm really excited about it - pants and all!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Spitting Distance

Today I weighed 203.6 when I got on my scale this morning.  203.6.
That is "spitting distance" to (as they say on WW forums) ONEderland!
I've been there before.  It is a wonderful feeling.  Especially since I hadn't been there for all of my 14-yr-old's life, and for not much of my 19-yr-old's.  I actually got down to the lowest I'd been for my entire oldest daughter's life (189), but lost focus and gained a lot of it back. (Well, duh, or your ticker would be in a WAY different place!)  And now I'm within 5 pounds of under 200 again.  
If I sound incredulous, it's because I am.  Absolutely.  I wake up and go to step on the scale and I fully expect to have gained 5-10 pounds back.  Every morning.  Even though I'm good on my calories (which reminds me, remind me to tell you in a minute how proud of myself I am...) or even under (not usually on purpose - will explain that also).  Or that I expect it to stay the same.  And am affirmed regularly about the staying the same part.  But then I lose.  Suddenly.  Yesterday I weighed in at 207.4 and today 203.6 = 3.8 pounds.  4 pounds in one night.  Incredulous.
I was way under on my calories yesterday.  Not purposely.  I didn't feel well.  My tummy was bothering me - one of those "can't tell what's wrong, but something is wrong" kind of feelings.  Nothing I could pinpoint.  Then it hit and I spent some time in the bathroom.  I hate that.  Then you never know when it'll quit.  I don't know if it was something I ate, or a virus, or what... But I won't complain.  I like the weight results today.
We're having a weight loss challenge at work.  Chris says I'm winning.  I don't have any idea if I am or not, but I know that their scale weighs me at 203 with clothes on (skimpy ones hehehehe).  I can handle that.
I am so proud of myself, because I resisted temptation!  Chris had a root canal done today.  He was miserable when I picked him up.  We got home and he decided he wanted comfort food.  A hamburger from Sonic no less.  Thank goodness for coupons.  So I took him.  Ordered him a cheeseburger, Kierstin a hamburger, Kayla a kid's meal (chicken strips & french fries), and drinks.  I have had my drink, but nothing else.  I didn't steal a nibble from a chicken strip, or his cheeseburger, OR EVEN A FRENCH FRY!!  That's progress, baby!  I am darn proud.

Chris attended the board meeting last night.  The school board unanimously voted him in as Instructional Technology Director for the district.   I am very very pleased and proud of him.  He deserves this and it's what he's really wanted for a couple of years now.  He'll have an office over at the Administration Building (Annex, anyway).  I'll miss having him up at school.  I enjoy our drives to work (short though they are) and home again.  He's promised to figure out a day when he'll come over and have lunch with me every week.  Being the skeptic I am, I'm pretty sure it'll get bumped quite often, but I'll keep faith that it'll happen regularly.  He will get a raise.  He will work year round (Two weeks off during summer & all the regular school holidays).  Looks like I'm in for a boring summer.  I think I'll go hang out at Kristie's pool.  Maybe I can get a tan (hahahahaha).

We're excited.  Lots of possibilities!

food log:
chicken & celery for lunch, orange for snack, chicken and cucumber for supper, strawberries to round out my day.  399 calories

I figured out I was mis-measuring my strawberries.  I measure them out while they're frozen, but putting them into as thawed.  Costs me over 20 calories!!  Must stop that!  When all you have to work with is 500 calories, one must get as much bang for the buck as one can!!

Can't wait to see how far I spit tomorrow!  ;)

LilySlim Weight loss tickers

Saturday, April 9, 2011

the ACT test

The A.C.T. was administered today all over the country.   I know this because I am the test center supervisor (a long name for someone who does all the paperwork).  I also ask people to administer the test and mail the answer sheets and test booklets off to A.C.T.
Today everything went really smoothly.  So I was bored.  I had 3 rooms, so I was in the hallway monitoring.  I usually have grading to do, but since I'm making my student teacher responsible for all that, I didn't have any today.  And I won't when we give it in June because school will be out.  The SAT test in May is a different story.  I may or may not have grading.  I spent a good hour looking for fun wallpapers to put on my computer.  I like that the computer now has a slide show for the wallpapers, so your background changes every few minutes.  Right now it's Disney - mostly princesses, but I threw in some favorite movie scenes and such. 

Such a good use of my college degree. 
Since I actually use my degree every day & usually am not the least bit bored during these administrations, I'm not really complaining.  More amused than anything.

Weighed in today at 207.4.  Am still amazed.
food log:
eggs (2 whites & 1 whole), celery soup, and strawberries for lunch: 200 calories
tilapia and cucumber for supper: 98 calories
melba toast for snack (not good...):  145 calories
strawberries for night snack: 77 calories
total for day:   520 calories

I think I need to make sure we don't purchase the melba snacks. I don't need them.  I do like the occasional crunch and salt, though.  I'll think about it.

Friday, April 8, 2011


Yesterday I mentioned the tickers.  They are a very cool techno thing.    It's amazing to me that I can change the weight on their site and it updates everywhere I have the ticker.
Usually, I just print out the thermometer from Dottie's Weight Loss Zone.

Which is kind of fun to fill in also.  I have one that I filled in when I was doing weight watchers really well and I FILLED  it in!  So I had to start a second one... and then I faltered.  So, when I get back down to the weight I was, I can just use that one again on my fridge.  Low tech.

Another high tech thing I just found is the site
I tried it and it was fun, but since it wasn't a full body picture, it was WAY inaccurate.  For example, I was sitting down in the picture and it just slimmed my face and shoulders.  My arms and boobs didn't change at all.  I laughed and laughed!  I seriously hope I DON'T look like that at 65 pounds lighter.  I always feel for those women that have huge-mongous breasts and are just tiny or even regular size.  These were almost cartoon-y in shape and size.  I deserved a last minute laugh!

I think I'll go the low tech route and just take a picture of myself when I hit that weight.  Ah, confidence!  I wish I truly had it.

Some other amazing thoughts about technology are Nooks, iPads, and the iTouch or iPhone.  I didn't think I'd like my Nook.  I felt like Chris wanted me to have one more than I wanted one myself, so I felt pressured into buying it.  I do like it now.  It has saved us a great deal of money because I haven't needed to run to Recycled or Barnes & Noble to get  a new book.  I can just download one or "check one out" from a library (that's a way cool technology in and of itself!).  Now they have a color Nook.  I played with one at the store and was thinking I'd like one of those for my birthday.  What I REALLY wanted was an iPad, but Chris kept saying that a color Nook would be fine and there are ways of  "jailbreaking" the color Nooks to become tablets - just like the iPad.  I don't want to do that, but I relented and stopped asking about the iPad - just concentrating on the Nook.  Well, he's been doing research on all things Apple and is now sold.  He wants to get an iMac or a MacBook.  He attended an inservice today (paid for by the technology guy's inservice funds) and received an iPad 2.  He's been on cloud 9 about it for days.  I told him yesterday that I found it highly ironic that he nixed my iPad wishes but was excited about getting one himself.  He said that he still thought I'd like the color Nook better (and we can jailbreak it - no, I am not the jailbreak kind).  Today he came home and said to nevermind.  I would definitely prefer the iPad 2 and we'd just save up until we could get me one.  Talk about a techno-turnaround!  I got to play with his for a little bit and I do think I'd like one (just like I had thought before).  His dad is upgrading his iPhone to the 4, and knows I've wanted an iTouch for a while.  So he reset his iPhone 3 to factory specs and is going to send it to me for my birthday.  I thought that was very nice - especially since I had told Suetta that we'd pay them for the phones when they planned on upgrading.  Oh, well - I  won't complain. 
But one more surprise is in store!  I've deliberated a few times on switching away from Sprint and going to Verizon or AT&T.  Their reception is better, but Sprint's better on their monthly plans/rates.  Anytime I bring it up, Chris says no.  Not even.  Not changing...  Then tonight in the car he tells me, "I think we'll end up switching to AT&T.  They get reception anywhere in the building and I'll need that with this new position."  WHOA!!  Who are you and where is MY husband???
I'm going to bed in a minute to see if the aliens have switched out the doppelganger for my real hubby!

food log:
chicken & pickles for lunch, melba snack for snack (only 1 serving), chicken and salad for supper.  Total for the day?  335 calories.  Actually way too few, but, see, there was an issue.  I got home at about 4:15 and peeled my orange snack.  Looked good, smelled good.  Put it in my mouth and it tasted rotten!  Like moldy gross rotten!  I had to rinse my mouth out with the soda in the fridge to get the taste out (I didn't drink the soda - coke zero - just wanted the taste gone).  Then I didn't feel like eating an orange.  EEEwwww.  I ate a couple of melba snacks a little while later.  Chris wanted to go to town (to get a case for his iPad) & so didn't eat until later.  Now, I am ready for bed and don't feel like eating my strawberries.  So I didn't get my two servings of fruit which equals about 140 calories.  Hence the 335 instead of almost 500.  I am sure I'll make up for it tomorrow.  It's Saturday and I have trouble keeping myself all in line on the weekends.

We'll see!  Good night all you people out there in the technoUniverse!  (:

LilySlim Weight loss tickers

Thursday, April 7, 2011


I like the tickers.  Even though my sliders are way to the left, they move ever so slightly to the right.  Ever so slightly, I know, but still fun to watch.  More interesting than paint peeling and a little slower than grass growing, you have to admit!

By the way, the reason the two tickers are different about my goals is that I haven't decided my final goal yet.  My WW goal was always 130 - which is also the weight I've always wanted to be.  My dr said to aim a little higher.  Aim for what I weighed when I got married or graduated high school.  But that was 145-150 and I want to be lower than that if possible.  Now if I look great at 145 and look emaciated at 140, I'll stop.  So one ticker is my wanna wanna weight - 130 and the other is my little higher weight  - 135.  Yeah, 5 pounds... big whoop.  Well, yes, I lose 5 pounds and to me that is a big whoop.  More like a WHOOP!

208.2 this morning.  Under 210 again.  wow.  I am just amazed.

209.6 right now.  That should mean I lose again tomorrow.  I never count my chickens though.  Not wise.  Tomorrow I start my online class to become certified to teach online courses (ahhh!  wise... online class to be able to teach online classes...)

LilySlim Weight loss tickers

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Red Red Wine...

And I had a small glass of it tonight.  According to all the stuff I've read online, it's a major nono.  Blends badly with the starchy vegetables here in phase 2 or something (didn't realize these veggies were starchy, but you learn something new everyday!).  I won't eat my strawberries, and I'm still under on my calories today.  I did lose again.  Broke 210.  Haven't seen that number since last Spring? Last January?  Longer?  Probably longer.  I'm so excited to be close to that 200 mark.  Hope the glass of wine doesn't just break me down right now.  Of course, NOW I'm regretting it, but I drank it and if it sets me back, it sets me back.  I'll live and work my way back on track.  Next week, I'll take a bottle of water over to Terra's and just drink it.  Sigh.  I sure love a glass of wine, though.  I did feel it pretty quickly.  My HCG protocol does say that it'll really hit you harder.  I don't feel hit, but I'm drinking my water like a good girl.

Today:  chicken, pickles, orange, chicken, lettuce (I put verde/tomatillo sauce on it... spicy!  That's probably a nono too, but I'll have to live dangerously!), and a 3 1/2 oz glass of wine.  LOTS of water.  Filled up my old WW green cup and drank it down.  The stupid thing does not fit into the car cupholders, dang it!  So it is definitely something that is either home or school and NO traveling!  Total calories: 424

I really enjoyed my visit with Terra.  Haven't seen her in a few weeks (not since the camping trip), so it was good to sit on their deck and jabber away.  I don't even remember what we talked about, but that's the point of a friend, right?  To be able to listen and to talk and it not matter what was said as long as you got to do the listening and the talking?

I am very tired.  Shouldn't be, because all I did at school today was give the field test EOC exam for English III.  It was so nice having all my juniors to myself.  I'm getting very tired of sharing them.  Thank goodness I get to take them all back in just a couple of weeks.  I have decided that I do not have the temperament to have a student teacher.  I'll let someone else have them & just smile from now on.

LilySlim Weight loss tickers

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Holding pattern

Am holding steady at 211 right now.  I'm doing everything correctly - okay, overeating the strawberries is not good & I need to drink more water.

I did not finish logging on Saturday & I didn't log Sunday or Monday.  Wow!  I'm willing to bet I could fill in the blanks with what I typically eat and be pretty darn close to right.  I may give it a try. 

Weighed in today at school.  We're participating in a weight loss contest.  According to their scales, I weighed 210 this morning (a good pound less than I weighed naked on my scales this morning) & have so far lost 10 pounds.  I was in the lead for the women, but this week I only lost 3 pounds (only!  I usually would be ecstatic about a 3 pound a week loss!)as compared to my 7 pounds last week.

I'm not in a writing mood.  Sad, that I feel the need to be in a "mood" for something I usually love.    I ate chicken & cabbage for lunch.  Had an orange as a snack and 1 serving (JUST ONE!) of melba snacks.  I had yucky filet mignon (minus the bacon) & a yummy salad for supper.  I ended my evening with a cup (generous) of strawberries.  Total: 519 calories.

Other news:  Kayla got a puppy last night.  She's a pomahuahua (mom's a pomeranian & dad's a chihuahua - usually called pomchi on the internet - but pomahuahua is much more fun to say) & her name is Daisee.  She is a sweet funny little LITTLE thing.

Chris had his meeting with our superintendent today.  Mr. Crutsinger said all the right things and Chris made all the right replies, I guess.  The new job of Instructional Tech Director is his.  Lots of details I'll believe when I see.  Right now all I see is that his work load will increase.  He's thrilled.  I'm so proud of him and all he's worked for.  He deserves this promotion.

LilySlim Weight loss tickers

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Measuring up...

I took my measurements again this morning.  Not as many changes as I would have preferred, but then again, I did a lot of nonessential eating this week.    I now weigh in at 210.9 which is lowest since before last July!

measurementsstartweek 1Diffweek 2diff
rt arm1413.50.513.50.5
left arm1312.50.512.50.5
rt leg2826.51.5262
left leg2726.50.5261
          Inches lost9.518
weight in lbs220.7215.45.3210.99.8

Not bad... I'll take it...  from now on I may just do the current and difference columns.  I'll think about it...

LilySlim Weight loss tickers

Friday, April 1, 2011


I don't feel well.  I have a bad headache (they seem to be coming in fast and thick lately) to the point where I am nauseated.  I haven't eaten much today (which is good, ordinarily I'd "soothe" the tummy & head aches by eating - nonsense, I know, but...).  So I am off to bed early tonight. 

Food log:                             calories
chicken (75g)                         124
1.5 pickles                                 12
melba toast                            144
tilapia (75g)                             76
1.3 c strawberries                  77
total for day:                    432

Ironically, although I feel like I haven't eaten much at all today, my calories are over 400 & I'm supposed to stick to 500.  Pretty close, huh?  I did have a Sonic diet Limeade (Derek G. left to get his lunch and offered to bring one back for me - wasn't that sweet?) which was 10 calories, according to their website.

I didn't lose any yesterday or today.  Tomorrow is measurement day.  Hopefully change is in the works!

LilySlim Weight loss tickers