Anger Management

Yesterday, I was livid.  I've had enough.  I am tired of having a student teacher and need ideas on what to do to get her away from me and my kids for the time she has left with us.  She has my classroom through Wed. of this next week and then I take back over.  My kids are about to explode & I don't want to deal with the explosion.  I've told her and told her and modeled and done everything I know how to do, and she still does not have control of my classes.  They seem to be getting worse.  AND now she's started inflicting group punishments.  Punishing the whole class is not something I believe in.  Yelling at the whole class?  Sure!  But not assigning writing sentences or a detention to the whole class.  That's ridiculous!  Just thinking about it right now is making me angry.  While I've been dieting I actually haven't cared about drinking or eating sweets or whatever, but last night?  I wanted a glass of wine real bad!  I mean bad!  And sweets!  I wanted sweets! We ran into town (got a couple of cute sweaters - cardigans - that'll help dress up my wardrobe a bit) and went to the store.  We got our adult "capri suns" (daily's premixed margaritas & hard lemonade - make with wine not beer) and opened one up.  I had about 3 sips and had to put it away - too sweet!  I'll finish it tonight - or at least work on it some more.  AND Kayla had a friend over and they wanted to bake cookies so they got a tub of Nestle's cookie dough.  I had two spoons of it (about the equivalent of one cookie).  Way too sweet also, thought I'd go into a sugar coma. But it satisfied me and I was done.  Today I want crunchy.  I'm not hungry - I just want crunchy...  That's stress talking.  I even took one of my clonapan yesterday!  (a type of Xanax) It was my last, so I'm hoping Dr. Simms will refill it.  If he won't, I'll see if Andy will when we see him this week about the diet. 
UGH!  I hate myself this way.  I've tried every way I can think of to help this girl, and she's just digging in deeper.  And my kids are just becoming more and more obstinate and frustrated.

Okay, I just took a break for a while to deal with household matters. I've decided that it is me with the problems right now.  My family is irritating me over just about everything.  I got to pick out part of my birthday presents last night. Of course, I didn't realize I was doing it at the time.  I got a couple of new sweaters and 2 new shirts for $60.  They'll be part of my gifts, if it's okay with me.  Like I can say it's not okay?  But, Chris got a new shirt and a new tie-pin for $40 and that's for his job.  Fine.  Chris won't put down his phone - when he doesn't have his phone in hand, it's his ipad or he's working on something for his new office.  He's looking at paint ideas and wanted me to  look with him for ideas, but then told me he'd have to get Kathy and Lisa to look at it for a woman's point-of-view.  I checked and I still have all the necessary equipment to be a woman, but I guess I'm missing something (Kathy and Lisa both work in this building where his new office is located).  Then Kelsey and Kayla have both made random comments about things - completely different ones - and I'm feeling put-upon.  Victimized and resentful.  I think I may just take myself to bed and hope today starts over.  No, never mind, I don't want a re-do, I want a go-away.  I'm ready for today to end and tomorrow to begin.

Maybe I should go get my daily's out of the freezer and start on it now.

food log yesterday (4-15-11):
steak and cucumber for lunch: 156 cal
salad for supper:  15 cal
daily's, cookie dough for "other": 142 cal
orange for snack:  87 cal
total for day:  396 cal

food log for today (4-16... so far)
pancakes - plain, made with water:  171 cal
tilapia and salad for lunch:  81 cal
total so far: 252 cal
I'm sure I'll add the rest later.

On a positive note:  I weighed in at 201.1 today.  I am pleased with that.  I have now lost over 10 % of my starting body weight.  If I were in WW, they'd give me a keychain.  Oh, wait, I already have one of those.  I think I'll go and get it and hand it to myself again.






Am expecting a major gain tomorrow.  I had a daily's lemonade.  I had a nibble or two of  the girls' pasta (nor much, but still), a nibble or two of some leftover souper rice, and a butt-load of steak.  I didn't even measure, but I can tell I'm full (way full).  I'm just in a pissy mood.  Am off to bed because I am ready for tomorrow to start.  I did weed the front flower beds and replanted a couple of plants.  So I got some exercise - the puppy (Daisee) had a great time chasing and jumping on the dead leaves I tossed out of the bed.  Then Doodle spotted her and barked a deep bark and scared the poo out of her.  I thought it was funny.  I think he thought she was a cat.  Ha!